Cultivating a Kingdom Marriage
“I say then, walk by the Spirit and you will certainly not carry out the desire of the flesh.”
Galatians 5:16 CSB
What do you remember most about your wedding day? Apart from the joy, excitement, and happiness your special day brought into your life, is there anything funny or memorable that stands out to you? I’ll tell you one thing that stands out to me. I was nervous as a spooked cat. As happy as I was, there was still this level of nerves that I couldn’t shake no matter what I tried. Looking back, my bundle of nerves was the seriousness of the day that sunk deep to my core.
Standing in front of God, our pastor, family and friends I made this solemn vow to my husband.
“I, Rachel take you, Michael, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.”
This vow to my husband was uttered over twenty-four years ago on a day when life was joyful and there were no rain clouds in sight. The “life moments” of worse, poorer, sickness, and death were just figments of the imagination. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t naive enough to think that those days wouldn’t come. But as a young twenty year-old bride, it was easier for me to focus on the “life moments” of better, richer, good health, love, and a full life instead of the latter.
It didn’t take too long before reality set in and I discovered that marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. There are days when loving your spouse seems to be the most difficult thing on your to-do list for that day.
I’ve learned through the trials and tribulations of marriage that there are two types of marriages. One type of marriage focuses solely on earthly things while the other type of marriage focuses on heavenly things. Each type of marriage brings the same to the table – hopes, dreams, faults, failures, and victories. The only difference between the two types of marriages is the lens in which they choose to look through.
When we choose to view our marriage through the earthly lens, we see an imperfect flesh that constantly falls short of the mark. We subconsciously start to believe the whispers of the enemy and begin to focus on the temporal things that will fade away. We build a life based on earthly happiness that ebbs and flows with the changing tide. And it doesn’t take us long to become dissatisfied with the “life moments” of worse, poorer, sickness, and death. Discouragement, discontentment, dissatisfaction, and depression become the friends that we hang out with the most.
But what if we learned to view our marriage through a heavenly lens. What if we learned to cultivate a “Kingdom Marriage” instead? When we choose to view our marriage through a heavenly lens, we begin to understand God’s blueprint for marriage. See, marriage was never designed to operate selfishly but was designed to reflect the beauty, holiness, mercy, love, and grace of the God that created it in the first place. When God laid out the blueprint for marriage, it was always meant to point humanity towards Him and a joyous eternity that long pales in comparison to anything this world has to offer.
But how do we cultivate a kingdom marriage in a culture that screams to define marriage by its worldly standards?
We start by yielding ourselves to the original author of marriage, Almighty God, and His original blueprint. At the beginning of each day, we invite Him into our marriage and submit to His leadership by handing him the reins that we have held onto for so long. As we invite Him into the rhythms of our daily lives and learn to abide in Him, we begin to see our spouse and the unfolding of the events in our day through a kingdom lens rather than an earthly lens.
We become alert to the spiritual battle that is raging around us. The more alert we become to the spiritual battle, the more we are able to see the schemes and tactics of the enemy. We no longer see our spouse and that petty thing that unnerves us as the enemy because we have become keenly aware that our battle isn’t against flesh and blood as Ephesians 6:12 says.
When we begin to view our marriage through a kingdom lens and begin to rely on His grace more and ourselves less, we begin to see that we operate in the flesh less. Galatians 5:16 tells us, “I say then, walk by the Spirit and you will certainly not carry out the desire of the flesh.” And friend, that only means one thing. Instead of an outpouring of the flesh, we transition to an outpouring of the fruit of the spirit flowing like a river from our life (Gal 5:22-23).
Sweet friend, this type of marriage is possible. It’s the type of marriage that our good God designed and longs for us to have. When we choose to develop a kingdom perspective for our marriage, as well as all of our relationships, we stop the enemy in his tracks.
God,
Thank you for the gift of my husband. Help me to view my marriage and relationships through a Kingdom perspective. Please take the reins out of my hands and take over completely. Open my eyes to see the real enemy and help me and my husband to stand firm against his schemes. Holy Spirit, I invite you into the daily rhythms of my life and I ask that you make me more like you and less like me. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Dig Deeper:
“Pay careful attention, then, to how you live – not as unwise people but as wise – making the most of the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16 CSB