Lasting Love
“I am my love’s, and my love is mine.” Song of Solomon 6:3a CSB
Do you remember the days you spent dating your spouse before you were married to each other? I know, it may seem like a distant memory, right? Or what about the honeymoon period after you were married? It’s hard to remember those days once kids come along and it is no longer just the two of you. What once used to seem like romantic days spent together just soaking up each other can now seem like two ships passing in the night.
Work responsibilities. Home responsibilities. Children responsibilities. Friend, it’s a never-ending to-do list a million miles long. After a while, we start to wonder what happened to the two people that started this whole thing called “US”. Can I get a witness?!
God never intended for our marriages to morph into something that resembles an awkward roommate situation – everyone going their separate ways – just co-existing under the same roof. Heavens no!
However, sometimes that is what married life feels like doesn’t it? As women, we long for the spark and the romance to be ignited again. We long to feel like more than just a maid, cook, and taxi driver. And rightly so – we were created for so much more!
Can I tell you a little secret? The enemy doesn’t want your marriage to thrive. He will do whatever he can to distract, destroy, and defeat you and your husband so that your marriage resembles anything BUT what God had intended for it to be. Let’s not let that happen, friend!
I have a friend who has a scheduled date on the calendar each week with her husband. They both make sure that this day of the week is off-limits to anything that can possibly come up that would keep them from spending time together. You may not have a day weekly to devote to a date night with your spouse, but I encourage you to find time on your calendar to schedule some.
Dear friend, it is important and healthy for our marriages to take time to cultivate love and romance between each other. I’ve been guilty of waiting on my husband to make the first move to do so and then getting mad at him when he didn’t. Maybe this has happened to you too? It’s easy to fall into that trap – but don’t be fooled - it’s another tactic that the enemy uses.
Let’s start by showering our husbands with romance and affection. It’s the path to lasting love. Don’t be tricked – Romance isn’t sex. Romance is so much more and stands the test of time. It generates an environment where a relationship can be cultivated the right way. It’s selfless and thoughtful of the other person in the relationship– even when it isn’t given back. God made men and women very different but we still have some things in common. Everyone wants to feel loved, respected, trusted, honored, and needed.
Here are six ways to get you started:
1. Tell him you love him (“Tell me, you whom my soul loves…” Song of Solomon 1:7)- My husband and I will leave each other love notes. Send him a text that says, “I love you” or leave him a note with a sweet message.
2. Praise him (“You are altogether fair, my love; there is no flaw in you.” Song of Solomon 4:7) Encouragement is very important. Telling your husband how much you are proud of him does more for him than you might realize. Practice telling him what he does well MORE than what he doesn’t do well. A wife’s verbal support contributes more to his success than any other factor. (As his wife, you should be his biggest cheerleader!)
3. Surprise him (“Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.” Song of Solomon 2:10) – Date nights make for great surprises (just be aware/respectful of his schedule). Talk to your husband and ask him if you could go on a date together – arrange for dinner and a movie – or something else!
4. Shower him with gifts (“The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and at our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.” Song of Solomon 7:13)- Gifts don’t have to be expensive. It’s the thought that matters. Buy him his favorite candy (just don’t eat it - sorry- spoken from experience! :)) Think about small or simple things that he likes just to show him you are thinking of him.
5. The power of your touch (“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2) – I absolutely love it when I see an older couple walking around holding hands. Sometimes we forget how special it is just to hold hands as we did once upon a time when we were twinkle-eyed crazy for each other.
6. Faithfulness (“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.” Song of Solomon 6:3) – Proverbs 31 describes a woman who “the heart of her husband safely trusts in her (Proverbs 31:11). Many relationships are ruined because of trust issues. Trust is woven into the fabric of every human relationship. Without trust, a relationship won’t thrive – there is no confidence, hope, or stability. Trust must be the cornerstone of any relationship – especially a marriage.
Dear God,
Forgive me of all the times I have taken for granted the gift of my husband. I have been guilty of looking at the negative in our relationship and not focusing on the positive. Show me new ways each day to show love to my husband. Help us both to take the time to cultivate our relationship so that it honors you and brings us closer to each other. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Dig Deeper:
“Above all, maintain constant love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 CSB