How to thrive financially in your marriage

“But as you abound in everything – in faith, in utterance, in knowledge, in all diligence, and in your love to us – see that you abound in this grace also.” 2 Corinthians 8:7 MEV

Whether you have been married ten days or sixty years, we can all agree that marriage is hard in even the most perfect scenarios. Two people coming together with different goals, ideas, and dreams can turn a peaceful, unified day into a tumultuous stormy day if not approached in the right way.  Every couple has their hotspots of topics that are difficult to agree on and the topic of finances always seems to be in the top three. My husband and I are no different.

We were both in our twenties when we got married. I was the younger of the two of us by about five years. Needless to say, I had a lot of growing up to do and a massive amount of maturing to undergo. We fought over many things and money usually took the number one spot. Looking back, I wish we would have known what we know now and handled our finances a lot better. It would have saved us a lot of heartaches.

“But as you abound in everything – in faith, in utterance, in knowledge, in all diligence, and in your love to us – see that you abound in this grace also.” 2 Corinthians 8:7 MEV

Sweet friend, God wants us to abound in every area of our lives, especially in our marriage. A synonym for abound is “thrive”.  The definition for thrive is to prosper or flourish. We can’t thrive or flourish in our marriage if we are constantly striving against our spouse.

If finances cause problems in your marriage, please know that you are not alone. We are definitely in this together. But with any problem that we face in life, the first step is acknowledging the issue and then developing a battle plan strategy to combat it.

And no strategy in marriage will ever be effective without prayer. Prayer should always be our first go-to. With prayer being first, here is a list of my top five core principles to include in a battle strategy over your finances. There are many other principles that can be included when developing a financial strategy but in my experience, if we fail to include these core principles, then our strategy will be weak and ineffective.

Five core principles for a battle strategy for finances in marriage:

1.       Understand that we are Stewards for the owner – Everything that we have isn’t ours – it is ultimately God’s. He’s just allowing us to take care of it. When we shift our focus to the correct lens of stewardship, then we can properly and clearly see our role in the bigger picture. Psalms 24:1 ESV says, “The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein.”

C.S. Lewis is quoted to say, “Every faculty you have, your power of thinking or of moving your limbs from moment to moment, is given you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to His service, you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already.” – C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

2.     Communication and trust are key – If I had to dig down to the root of most of the issues in my marriage over the years, the problem was mostly miscommunication or a lack thereof. It’s hard to be on the same page if we aren’t communicating properly. The flip side of communication is trust. If we hide purchases from our spouse (like dashing items in the closet without your husband seeing what you purchased – Ummm…. Yeah, I’ve done that), then the trust is broken, and the communication between the two can’t be open and honest which only hurts the relationship. “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Colossians 4:6 ESV

 3.       Tithing must be a non-negotiable in your finances – this goes back to number one in this list. It all belongs to God in the first place. Early in our marriage, we weren’t always faithful at tithing and there always seemed to be problem after problem. The key to thriving in our finances in our marriage is when we understand that tithing must be non-negotiable and put it in its rightful place, then it’s amazing how things just flow so much better. Proverbs 3:9 says, “Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of all your produce.”

  4.       Develop a budget –Trust me when I say this, a budget is one of the best things you can do for your finances. I’m not going to lie – it’s hard but it is totally worth it!  Luke 14:28-30 states, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.”

 5.       Create a “Get out of Debt” Plan – If you are one of the few married couples out there with no debt, then kudos to you. You are definitely the exception. Most couples either entered their marriage with debt or accumulated it once they were married. Debt is heavy and stressful to a marriage and the more we can eliminate stress then the better we are. Proverbs 22:7 says, “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender.”

Dear friend, when we become intentional in combating the weak areas in our marriage, the more we disarm the enemy. I’m not an expert in finances by no stretch of the imagination but I have learned from my mistakes. And trust me – the mistakes have been many! But here are two articles from an expert to help you in your journey of not just being able to survive but to thrive!

The Truth About Money and Relationships

How to Put an End to Money Arguments